Miracle
My name is Dennis P., So get out of my way,
Or you'll be in dead trouble today.
Don't try to "battle", I don't suffer fools,
In these streets, I'm the dude "who rules".
Don't come here and diss my style,
Nobody messes with my hustler profile.
Fuck that! The truth is I'm not tough though,
My arms are all skinny and as white as dough.
They call me midget, they say I'll never walk tall.
I have to stand on tiptoe, to yell at them at all.
But worst of all, though nobody knows,
I see no pubes, when I check my hose.
Fuck.
Piss.
Fuck.
Hi, Mum.
Um ... Mum, I was just thinking ... Tomorrow night, right?
Dennis ... 8 years ago today your dad danced his last.
Yes, but ... tomorrow is Saturday.
Look. That's your dad.
He danced like an angel. Just get that smile.
He thought his life lay before him with trophies and dancing -
- and prizes and gold and silver ... and gold.
Then all of a sudden the music stopped forever, Dennis.
Forever.
All he was doing was fixing the TV aerial.
One false step, Dennis.
Just one, tiny, simple false step and everything was over.
But you wouldn't remember anything about it.
- Give us a hug. - Sure, Mum.
It takes so little.
- We must take care of each other, eh? - Yes, Mum.
Hi, Mick.
- Why are you coming from there? - Nice sweatshirt.
I've had it for ages, man.
- Giorgos! - Hi, lads! See you this afternoon, yes?
Polle's party tomorrow, right?
I'll get the beer from Netto and hide it in the bike shed.
Half special strength and half ordinary lager, okay?
Hell! Watch it!
- Or shall we go for rum and coke? - What?
Listen up, will you?
Your mum says you can go to Polle's party, right?
- Tomorrow at 8 o'clock. - Yes, of course.
- Right, what have we got? - Hi.
- Karen Elise. - Eh?
- Hi. - Hi, Karen Elise.
Who've we got ... Sandstrøm.
Fuck.
Good morning ...
... you dwarves in the kingdom of the mind.
Let us now despair at the poverty of your talents.
And why not start from the very bottom? Why not start with ...
Dennis Petersen.
O Dennis Petersen, my favourite retard!
How would you crack such a simple equation?
It's all yours.
We are waiting.
Dennis.
As a baby I was bold, And really profound.
Like the Baby Jesus, The shepherds found.
As a boy I was the top of my class.
And so good I'd any angel surpass
In my teens I was the school Don Juan
I got up the skirts of many a maiden.
My smile is like the sun when it shines.
If she hears my song any woman reclines.
But Dennis, you're a nothing,
a hole in the ground, you'll never be like me.
Why I waste my talents on you I don't see.
Sometimes I feel (and it's quite spontaneous)
That I'll never find a woman to match my genius.
So I'm on the straight and narrow, quite unbesmirched,
There is no turtle dove sitting on my perch.
I share my wisdom, I give you all I've got.
I waste my martyrdom on a kid who just cannot.
I'm surrounded by dunces, there's no hope,
Only Mick and Karen Elise can keep up.
But Dennis, you're a nothing, a hole in the ground,
You'll never be like me.
Why I waste my talents on you I don't see.
But Dennis, you're a nothing, a hole in the ground,
You'll never be like me.
Why I waste my talents on you I don't see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With a hop and come, two, three.
Oh, well. It was wall-to-wall.
DENNIS!!!
Hi.
Don't mind Sandstrøm.
He's fucking stupid.
- He's fucking stupid. - What?
Where the heck are you going? We've got gym.
Fuck.
Come on, Dennis P.!
Sure, laugh away.
Whenever I have a problem, I say a prayer, and God helps me.
Hi, guys.
- Hi, Karen Elise. - A big coke, please.
Well then?
- See you at the party, right? - Right.
What time are you going?
- time... time... - What time?
- At ... 8.30. - Okay, see you.
See you, Karen Elise.
Hi, guys.
There's an old saying:
"A beautiful girl can be a knife in the back of men's friendship."
You want to watch those old sayings, eh?
- If we said... - Said what?
If you had to choose a girl from our class ... including Majbritt.
Who would you choose?
I'd definitely choose Karen Elise.
Karen Elise?
- Even if you could choose Majbritt? - Yes.
- Giorgos, we're outta here! - Enjoy your party, guys
Don't droop on each other. Lovely, Minna. Smile. Chests.
Keep your heads up.
Keep in line, don't drag your feet!
Give me a smile. It won't cost you anything.
To the side.
What are you doing, Dennis Petersen?
Hi, Mum.
I just thought that was the record.
I remember it was the record you and dad always played.
So you think you remember, Dennis?
Then let us remember together, Dennis.
Let us remember the evening your father got drunk -
- and decided to dance like a monkey in this very room, Dennis.
Turn up the volume, open the windows!
Louder! Wilder! Do the rock'n'roll!
Hey, there isn't enough room to do the rock'n'roll.
I'll go outside and dance on the roof.
Wild is how I like it. Wilder, wilder.
Right to the very edge, Dennis.
Right to the edge.
He danced himself to death?
You might say so.
That's why we never play this record, right, Dennis?
Fuck!
Fuck.
Hey, Mum ... tonight, right?
It's Saturday night, so tomorrow I can have a lie-in.
And Polle's having a ... So I was going to ask ...
What were you going to ask?
Can I sleep over at Mick's?
Because Sandstrøm's given us a load of homework,
we want to get it out of the way.
But I don't want to walk home that late.
If you absolutely ...
Right, you sleep over at Michael's.
I'm going to do the shopping.
I'll come and carry.
That's really sweet of you, Dennis.
Shit.
- Hey, there's Michael's mother! - Hi.
Hi there. I hear the boys are getting together tonight.
Yes, though I've told Michael to be home by midnight.
- Midnight? - Yes, from Poul's party.
And they're not to drink more than two beers.
I say: "OK, you're telling me lies."
I don't believe my ears or eyes.
I've allowed you loads of latitude.
And this is how you show your gratitude.
You said "homework", I thought you'd be at Mick's.
But it's at Poul's party you intend to get your kicks.
I say disaster.
Disease and death.
I say look out.
Or you'll take your last breath.
If you love you lose, it should be banned.
A girl kisses my boy, and that's that.
It ain't easy, but I do what I can.
I'm so alone, and I need a man.
A guy who's big and strong and rather
Like the picture you've got of your father.
Look at him smiling, as if to say:
"Life is a moment that'll never go away.
I say disaster.
Disease and death.
I say look out.
Or you'll take your last breath.
If you love you lose, it should be banned.
Dance too wildly on a roof, and that's that.
She says fall down.
Disease and death.
She says look out.
Are you listening, Dennis Petersen?
I say alcohol poisoning. I say young men with knives.
I say drink driving.
But possibly, Dennis Petersen, if you had made a couple of promises -
- I might possibly have let you go to the party.
I haven't forgotten ...
I remember how important it is to be with one's pals at your age.
But now you've decided to lie to me, Dennis,
case closed. Your Saturday evening is closed.
Finished!
And I'm going to bed with a migraine, so don't make noises.
Hi, Dennis. You're up early.
Dennis. There is a very old saying about problems.
Want to hear it?
"You never have so many problems that you can't pray for help".
Hi, God. Dennis P. here
God, I know I don't normally kneel like this, -
- but I've just got to talk to somebody.
My mum's flipped her lid.
My dad's all she thinks of, and she gets so upset.
I miss him, too, of course.
Then there's Karen Elise. I like her so much.
But so does Mick.
And there's one more thing, too.
I am still the only boy in my class who hasn't ...
... who hasn't ...
Who hasn't got pubes.
I know it doesn't sound like a particular problem -
- compared to what else is going on around the world.
But to me it means one hell of a lot.
That's all I wanted to say.
Bye.
Now everything's gone wrong, and your hopes have come to nought,
You find yourself tempted to send God a thought.
God heard your prayer
Winging through the air
And now God's messenger's here
Come on, Baby, make up your mind! Don't make me wait all day.
Listen, Baby, it's up to you! If you wanna live life, just say!
I bet you're thinking, your brain has crashed,
But, oh yes, I'm real, even if you do feel trashed.
Stay here, chill out, 'cause for what it's worth
There's far, far more between heaven and earth.
Come on, Baby, make up your mind, don't make me wait all day.
Listen, Baby, it's up to you! If you wanna live life, just say!
Come on, Baby, whaddaya say? Let's not wait all day.
Come on, Baby, it's up to you! If you wanna live life, just say!
- Hi, Dennis. - God?
No, I'm just one of the heavenly messengers.
You know, a kind of courier service. Take a pew.
Your prayer has been heard.
So straighten up and pull on your pumps.
You look like ... but ... you ...
That's enough about me.
This is about you and your problems.
- First of all, there's my mum. - Stop!
We don't fix such poxy little things that way; we issue licenses.
Licenses?
Angel licenses. So you can solve your problems however it suits you.
Okay.
Does an angel license mean I can fly and walk on water?
Nope. You'll get the ordinary license for medium miracles.
Oh, okay.
However there's some strings attached, Dennis.
No swearing.
No swearing? That's bl ...
Or you'll lose your license. And you'll be through, done for, out of the game.
Okay. If I swear I'm done for. I read you.
Okay. Dennis ...
The dance floor is yours.
But how do I ...
Wow!
- Dennis. Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine.
But do I look different?
Is there anything on my back?
Your back looks like your back.
Sure? There's nothing there?
You are all right, aren't you?
I am ...
- I am on a b ... on a ball. - On a ball?
Want some chips?
No, I just came by to thank you for your saying.
Okay ... I would like a ...
... an awesome stereo.
Ah ...
Well, I'll be b ..."blowed?"
"Hasta la vista ...
... baby."
Are you talking to me?
Sandstrøm, are you talking to me?
You must be. There isn't anybody else here.
Get that, Copenhagen! I've got pubes! Yes!
Dennis, don't bug me. I've got migraine. Second degree.
Dennis P. is in the house!
Hello?
Hi.
What are you up to?
Are you better? You missed the party and Mick said you were ill.
- The fair. - What?
The fair. I want to take you to the fair.
Okay. What about Mick?
Mick was coming, but ...
But he had to go out with his mum.
- All right then. - I'll wait down here.
Hi, Dennis P.
- What are you doing here? - I was on my way to your place.
What are you doing here?
- Hi, Mick, are you coming after all? - Yes. Where to?
I'm trashed.
- We really went for it last night. - Some of us did, some of us didn't.
- What shall we do next? - I've got to take a piss.
You know what, Mick? So do I.
Aah.
That's better, man. I really drank myself into a ...
- Bloody hell! - It suddenly started sprouting all over.
What are you doing?
Ssch!
- What's wrong with McDonalds? - No, this is much nicer.
Waiter.
A table for three.
Perhaps you should find somewhere more suitable ...
Come with me.
Do you do burgers? You know, a bun with a beef pattie and ketchup in?
I'll tell the chef.
I'll have the "Potage Parmantier".
- I'll have a burger, too. - Certainly, Ma'am. Sirs.
This Ma'am is going to wash her hands, Sirs.
Your mum won the lottery or something?
No, it's some kind of campaign the restaurant is running.
On Children's Day in France kids get to eat for free if they're under 14.
No way.
Today it's as if we point at anything, we get it.
- Yes. Life is a miracle. - It's fucking amazing.
- Mick, would you try not to swear? - Why? Saying "fuck" is cool.
- No, swearing is out. - Not for me it's bloody not.
Do as I say, Mick.
- This is one fu ... fine place. - Wow.
And ...
"Potage Parmantier".
- What's that? - Potato soup.
Yes, and I love it.
Cheers!
See you.
See you, Karen Elise.
You know what I nearly did?
No, I'm not bl ... jolly well going to mention it.
Go on.
Last night I was pissed out of my skull.
I came so close to saying to Karen Elise:
"Karen Elise, you are so sweet."
This close.
But in a way it was f... fine that I didn't.
You have to be sober when you say things like that. Know why?
Because Karen Elise is right, and right girls don't grow on trees.
- Coming? - Mick?
I have this feeling that when you wake up tomorrow -
- you'll have a really naff dress sense.
Sometimes you're weird, Dennis P.
- Is that you? - Yes, Mum
Where have you been? I've been beside myself, Dennis.
I say stabbings. I say accidents.
I say sexually deviant pedophiles.
- Mum, that'll do. - Dennis?
I'm telling you, and that's the way it is. That'll do.
Dennis, have you joined a gang?
That'll do. Go to bed. When you wake up
you'll be totally full of go. Do you read me?
I can't go to bed. I've only just got up.
Sorry, Mama.
- Goodnight, Dennis. - Goodnight, Mummy.
Mum?
Mum, Mum, Mum. What's up, Sugar? Couldn't you find your way home?
It's taken me a hundred years to find what's left of some lipstick -
- and a dried-out mascara.
Today Mona is going to shop until she drops.
- What about my breakfast? - What about it, Honeybunch?
You always ...
Sugar, you're twelve and I'm not a waitress.
I've got 600 things to do today. I say for example:
New make-up, a new wardrobe, new lingerie.
So if you'd feed yourself today, okay?
- What about my packed lunch? - What do you need that for?
- I need it for school. - School?
You're a big boy and big boys skive off and watch porno movies, okay?
But today I've got to go to school. To sort something out.
Here ... Next thing I know you'll be joining the Young Christians.
You want me to buy lunch with this?
No, Baby, roll it up tightly and stick it up your bum.
You'll feel so full. Lord preserve us!
- Hi, Mick. - Hi.
- Nice rags. - Right.
It's weird. This morning my cupboard was full of ugly clothes.
But luckily I found these. And these amazing rollerskates.
It's going to be a great day, Mick.
Are you dressing like that?
He really looks trendy today.
- He looks sort of loveable. - Loveable?
Yes. It kind of makes you want to look after him.
Okay, it's the last lesson.
- What have we got? - Sandstrøm.
You're really trying to look loveable, eh?
Good afternoon, O pygmies of the intelligentsia.
Here I am, the school's humble servant.
We are going to explain the Weimar Republic.
By no means simple, but all the more interesting for that.
Whom shall we torment today?
I'd love to make a couple of minor points.
Dennis Petersen.
The Weimar Republic is all yours.
Not the Whining Republic, Sandstrøm.
- I'd rather talk about you. - Pardon?
You are ridiculous. Pitiful.
A grown man who picks on kids to make him feel big.
- You are not well, are you? - You are a loser.
I'm sick of your yacking. That will fucking do.
Dennis, come with me.
Pop down and get us all an ice cream. NOW!
- Easy does it, Dennis. - Out!
I swore.
- I swore! - That's all right. Never mind.
- I said "fucking"! - Fucking is quite okay.
"Fucking" is all right. Dennis, you're a big boy.
Fuck! Fuck!
Piss!
God, it's Dennis P. again. I know I swore. I know.
Dennis Petersen.
Got knocked off your perch, eh?
Dennis, are you invoking Our Lord in the school lavatories?
Can't you help me?
We had a deal.
Swear and that was that.
Listen, what if I do the whole works.
Go to church every Sunday, get confirmed, -
- join the Red Cross and the Young Christians, give me a chance.
One more chance, then. We'll say it was a beginner's slip-up.
Thanks, thanks.
- Dennis! - Watch out.
I think Sandstrøm is coming to ask you to the ball.
Dennis?
Yes!
Dennis!
Dennis, we'll go to see the school psychologist and lay you out.
You're done for, Sandstrøm. I've got God behind me.
That's nice Dennis. That sounds like I'm finished.
- I could turn you into a bread oven. - That sounds interested, Dennis.
Or I could make you dance in a tutu.
That will do, Dennis!
I could make you into my humble servant.
Mr. Petersen?
Mr. Petersen, are you alright?
- Mr. Petersen? - Let me help you, Mr. Petersen.
- Just call me Dennis P. - Very good, Mr. Dennis P.
Stand still.
Yes, Mr. Dennis P.
- See you, Sandypansy. - Thank you, Mr. Dennis P.
Mr. Dennis P.? I'm sorry?
Dennis, I've been shopping and thinking all day.
The world is huge! Where do you want to go?
How about ... America!
- What do you think? - You'll figure it out.
Dennis, the cutest little man has come to see you.
Me?
Do excuse me, Dennis P., but I was wondering if you needed any help.
You seemed so worried.
My God, he is loveable!
May I help you with your cardy?
I just couldn't resist the double buttons.
I'll pop down to the offie for a merry old bottle ...
... of piña colada.
Adios.
- An enchanting woman, your mother. - Sandstrøm.
This is a bit OTT.
You're quite right, Mr. Dennis P.
Ssch!
Mickey boy, come to see me?
No, I just wanted to see if Dennis P. was in.
He is. And so am I ...
Mr. Dennis P. I hope there's nothing wrong.
One thing at a time. I'll deal with you later.
Don't come out till I say so.
Mr. Dennis P.?
Not until you say so. I'll stay in here.
Be good.
Wow, your mum, man! Blow me!
I know. I'll readjust her when she gets back.
- How? - What do you want?
- Are you okay? - I'm fine. Goodbye, Mick.
When you left, when Sandstrøm ran after you. He didn't come back.
- Isn't it weird? - Yes, a bit. Goodbye, Mick.
- Aren't we going out for our chips? - Not today. And you're going home.
- I've only just got here. - And now you're just going.
- Hey, you're being really weird. - I've got things to adjust.
By the way, Mick, you and me have something to sort out.
Karen Elise isn't big enough for the both of us.
From now on you have no claim to Karen Elise.
Why not?
You're so weird, Dennis P.
Mick.
How would you feel if I said "Karen Elise"?
Why do we always have to talk about her? She is so icky.
The mere thought of touching her ...
So you've no objections ... if I go out with her?
You're welcome to her.
See you, Mick.
Her breath stinks, too.
- Her breath stinks. - Uh-uh? Mr. Dennis P.?
- Sandstrøm? - Mr. Dennis P.?
From now on you're not going to be quite so ...
Stay in there.
Mr. Dennis P.? I'll stay in here.
Hi.
- How are you doing? - Great.
I thought you might like a chat.
Dennis?
A chat ... sure thing.
It was as if you were going ... crackers.
- When? - With Sandstrøm today.
Karen Elise ...
What are you doing?
- I've something to tell you. - Yes, you need someone to talk to.
Not just anyone. Just you.
Okay.
- And I'm really pleased I'm sober. - Have you started drinking?
Karen Elise, what if I told you:
- I think you are really sweet. - I think you're really sweet, too.
Not that kind of sweet. Really sweet.
I am in love with you.
I really, really like you, too.
But I suppose I like Mick just a bit more.
No, listen. I really like you, too. But more as a friend.
- With Mick it's more ... - Mick? He doesn't even like you.
He thinks you're yucky and he thinks your breath stinks.
That's what he said.
Mick said that?
- Why not stay here? - But I'm not in love with you.
You're mistaken. You're madly in love with me.
Dennis P.?
Love, love, love ... Now I know thy name.
I am yours, and yours alone. Come, Dennis, come! I am yours!
Hey, take it easy.
No, Dennis. Burning desire ...
No, this is far too quick.
You don't love me.
I call out your name but you don't reply.
I do. I'm calling, too.
You are so sweet.
But we are only twelve. And twelve year olds don't do that desire bit.
Then show me how, my love.
The whole world rhymes with Elise, -
- slowly it's turning into candyfloss.
We rule the world. And now it's a given, -
- that above us everything's heaven.
- Love - Give it all you've got.
- I'm ready and willing; who's not? - Love.
Hark! A thousand angels are singing their song.
It was best to be a couple all along.
- I want a cuddle. - Don't start a riot.
- I'm wild and you are tame. - Do be quiet.
- I'm aflame, I want love's feast - No, stop it, stop!
- Come and take me like a beast. - No, no, stop that at once.
Oh, my little darling, now I can live life and be glad, -
- because you are Karen, the girl I want so bad.
Piña colada!
- Get out! - Where's that cute guy?
Get out!
Sure.
- Dennis. - Karen Elise.
Sorry.
- It's that Mick again. - Don't let him in.
I think he fancies me.
- Don't let him in. - He is practically in.
- Goodbye, Mick. - Hear me out.
I said, I didn't care, but you're my best friend.
- About what? - Mum, shut up!
She's yucky. She'll ruin you.
- Who? - Mum, Sandstrøm is in the closet.
- "Mona is in the closet." - Sandstrøm's in your closet?
Yes. Things need adjusting but I need time to work out how.
She's too ugly and stupid.
Karen Elise won't cross my threshold.
- Beloved! - She's here!
- You! You ... tart! - Mick, that'll do.
You are so disgusting. Stinking away on my best friend's bed!
Look who's talking, Shortie?
You're wasting his air and his time.
I'll get rid of you.
Karen Elise!
- Mick, stop it! - Tart!
For fuck's sake! Bloody well stop it!
I didn't mean to. It can't stop now.
Game over, Dennis.
Everything's gone amok.
Things need adjusting. I haven't had time to think clearly.
I know.
Mum is knocking back piña coladas in the wardrobe -
with a teacher, who thinks he's my servant.
I know, Dennis.
And Mick and Karen Elise are killing each other because of me.
I know.
It's no good.
I'm sorry, lad.
You've got to help me.
If you'd been my dad ...
... or if I look like a kid who might have been your son ...
... help me.
I don't make the rules, Dennis. It's not up to me.
Then drop the rules and help a boy who's only twelve -
- and can't take a shower at school because he's got no pubes.
And whose mum is trying to suffocate him.
Not only once in a while. Every single day.
I'm not praying to God, don't think that.
I'm asking you for help.
You.
Okay, Dennis. I'll give you one wish.
But hurry up, or my God will I be in trouble!
One wish? In that case, both ...
One wish, Dennis!
Okay ... Sandstr ...
... and Kar ... or mum ...
I want all my wishes undone.
What are you doing?
I know what we're doing, but not why we are doing it in your room.
Hi.
I'm in a fucking daze, though.
Didn't I come to tell you something?
I've got a shitty headache. I'd like to be alone. Okay?
Hey, what am I wearing?
- It's loveable. - "Loveable" yourself ...
Show yourselves out, all right?
See you, Dennis P.
I was right.
All I had to do was tell her: "Karen Elise, you're really sweet".
And suddenly there we lay.
- It was like a fucking dream. - Right. See you, Mick.
If you grab Majbritt, right? We'll have a ball. All four of us.
Yes. Right.
- Dennis. - What have you been doing?
- Yes, what indeed?
What have we been doing?
We've been round the houses, I can tell you.
Gosh! That piña colada!
Perhaps I should be ...
I say coffee.
I say biscuits.
I say we have it on the sofa.
And I say "Yes, please". A cup of coffee does you good.
I'll put the kettle on.
Erling.
Erling?
Dennis ... listen.
Did we have a bit of a run-in, you and I?
I seem to recall ...
Listen to me.
How about we men forget all about it and ...
... make a fresh start?
Who'd have guessed you had such an enchanting mother, eh?
Love, love. Now I know thy name.
What a nice home.
Mona, what a lot of lovely trophies!
My late husband and I were professional dancers. But that was years ago.
Gosh, Mona!
How funny.
I can tell you I had a few dances to this record in my day.
Well, put it on, then.
Yes, I'd like to hear it again.
It's got real go, eh?
I'll be off.
And a small chips, Dennis.
Bon appetit.
- We haven't seen much of Mick lately. - No. He's got Karen Elise.
A bit of a bummer, eh?
And my mum is going out with my home teacher.
Oh? A bit irritating, eh?
And there's another thing. But never mind that.
Not too good, eh, Dennis? But there is an old saying.
"If a young man ..."
No. "When a young ..."
- Oh, yes. "You must never ..." - What?
I've forgotten.
Never mind. I'm getting tired of old sayings.
Copenhagen!!
Me, Dennis P, I have hair -
- and I grew it myself! Yes!
One pube!
Whoops.
Hi, my name's Julie. We've just moved in.
Julie.
Mum said there were some box rooms up here.
- Box rooms? - Yes.
For storage and stuff.
Oh, box rooms? You need the other street door. Number ...
Number what?
- Number 19. - Number 19.
Have you got a name?
- Julie ... - Your name's Julie?
Yes ... no, that's your name.
- My name's Dennis P. - See you around, Dennis P.
See you around, Dennis P. ... Julie.
Yes, Julie.
Subtitles: Quantum 02/2008